She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
