Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
