Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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