Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
