i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
