Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
