May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
