Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
