look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
did you just send me my own nude
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
