Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
