girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
