Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'

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  (650): oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole' http://tfl.nu/gd5q
  Replies (5) Good night (963) Bad night (534)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.

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  (205): Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/4ixk
  Replies (16) Good night (554) Bad night (1386)
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  (818): View more from California

  I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.

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  (818): I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/hyhy
  Replies (9) Good night (717) Bad night (2297)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.

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  (978): Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please. http://tfl.nu/4k32
  Replies (12) Good night (2195) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8626) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

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  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
  Replies (91) Good night (6271) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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  (403): I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse http://tfl.nu/d3ev
  Replies (20) Good night (8523) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight

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  (336): I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/7krg
  Replies (8) Good night (946) Bad night (3438)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your friend and I already don't get along

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  (404): I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend. (734): Your friend and I already don't get along http://tfl.nu/d3pe
  Replies (4) Good night (3406) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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  (518): They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me. (1-518): Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props. http://tfl.nu/pv50
  Replies (5) Good night (2327) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.

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  (602): Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library. http://tfl.nu/6qen
  Replies (12) Good night (1736) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.

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  (701): It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in. http://tfl.nu/loaa
  Replies (4) Good night (606) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."

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  (519): University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue." http://tfl.nu/irh4
  Replies (0) Good night (783) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up

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  (202): you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up http://tfl.nu/s6ka
  Replies (4) Good night (1020) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.

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  (401): I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night. http://tfl.nu/fkta
  Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (135)

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