Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

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(614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right? http://tfl.nu/3ekq

Replies (19) Good night (821) Bad night (1860)
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(847): View more from Illinois

my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

(224): View more from Illinois

I'm with your mom on this one.

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(847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m

Replies (9) Good night (1203) Bad night (3094)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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(484): You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?" http://tfl.nu/prc0

Replies (8) Good night (3711) Bad night (1091)
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(702): View more from Nevada

My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

(702): View more from Nevada

they all just nodded

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(702): My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story (702): they all just nodded http://tfl.nu/l03v

Replies (6) Good night (2633) Bad night (1180)
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(831): View more from California

maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick

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(831): maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick http://tfl.nu/1wa4

Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (1502)
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(913): View more from Kansas

the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.

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(913): the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head. http://tfl.nu/5rt7

Replies (8) Good night (704) Bad night (2186)
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(713): View more from Texas

I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.

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(713): I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester. http://tfl.nu/tak8

Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (1150)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.

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(704): And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control. http://tfl.nu/cnqj

Replies (18) Good night (2409) Bad night (1135)
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(585): View more from New York

just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use

(716): View more from New York

how?

(585): View more from New York

not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days

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(585): just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use (716): how? (585): not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days http://tfl.nu/m616

Replies (13) Good night (2137) Bad night (642)
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(210): View more from Texas

We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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(210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n

Replies (5) Good night (903) Bad night (1382)
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(818): View more from California

Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.

(818): View more from California

Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.

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(818): Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history. (818): Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night. http://tfl.nu/hwf0

Replies (6) Good night (396) Bad night (1234)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

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(717): if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over http://tfl.nu/5a4u

Replies (3) Good night (1436) Bad night (442)
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(418): View more from Quebec

Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?

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(418): Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me? http://tfl.nu/ltm0

Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (649)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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(570): No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits. http://tfl.nu/elom

Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (304)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic

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(508): He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic http://tfl.nu/r3d6

Replies (0) Good night (527) Bad night (239)

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