just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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