My sheets look like a crime scene.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?