Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".

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  (904): He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator". http://tfl.nu/yo1x
  Replies (59) Good night (1019) Bad night (5952)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1660) Bad night (3338)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

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  (561): If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls. http://tfl.nu/stc1
  Replies (8) Good night (3744) Bad night (1357)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  he fucked my hip out of place.

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  (615): he fucked my hip out of place. http://tfl.nu/0lgh
  Replies (11) Good night (5225) Bad night (932)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done

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  (318): We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done http://tfl.nu/r8w7
  Replies (4) Good night (3457) Bad night (1102)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.

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  (515): You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it. http://tfl.nu/irby
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (2812)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

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  (814): The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out. http://tfl.nu/7070
  Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (495)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2636) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You're gonna judge me.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Howd you sleep with him already

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  (720): You're gonna judge me. (303): Howd you sleep with him already http://tfl.nu/qfz4
  Replies (9) Good night (1970) Bad night (464)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can

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  (412): attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can http://tfl.nu/zc74
  Replies (7) Good night (685) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.

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  (919): I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink. http://tfl.nu/51us
  Replies (9) Good night (638) Bad night (1247)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.

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  (613): You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you. http://tfl.nu/xki1
  Replies (6) Good night (1803) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.

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  (416): Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement. (416): NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada. http://tfl.nu/6stg
  Replies (6) Good night (1472) Bad night (316)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours

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  (508): Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours http://tfl.nu/2ezn
  Replies (6) Good night (1064) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

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  (819): I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis. http://tfl.nu/mdgl
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (453)

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