Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.

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(541): View more from Oregon

No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.

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(209): View more from California

I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(513): View more from Ohio

We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.

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(813): View more from Florida

You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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(425): View more from Washington

Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come

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