whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
