and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
