If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
