i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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