It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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