well I can't set my house on fire every night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
