I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
