How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
