We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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