take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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