my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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