I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
