don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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