he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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