the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
