If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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