I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
