Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
