Her vagina should come with caution tape.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
