8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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