yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
