i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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