So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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