he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize