Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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