In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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