just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
