If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize