I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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