u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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