i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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