I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
