Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
