I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
