wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
