just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
