Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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