I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
