Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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