Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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