Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
