pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
