**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
