Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
