It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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