I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
