he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
