I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
