and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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