Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
