I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
