They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
