OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
