she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
