So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
