I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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