My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
