what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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